Heart of A Nomad

Loch Ard Gorge at Victoria in Australia, November 2011.
I'll remember every sunset, I'll remember every word you said.
I met M on a tour of the Great Ocean Road.  We hit it off right away, like I had known him forever.  At the end of the day, we watched this sunset together, just him and me.  I never got his photo and I probably will never remember what he looked like, but this moment we had here, I will remember forever.

I'm probably not even qualified to write this.

 

I am technically not a nomad - I have a permanent home (I live with my family. And while I am excited to live out on my own one day, I actually love being with them), I have a regular day-and-very-corporate job, and I live pretty much the normal working girl's life.

 

Despite this, I am a person that moves around a lot.  Travelling for me is both a need and a want: I need to travel because of my job, which requires me to fly from one city to another, and I want to travel as a consequence of wanderlust, which was cultivated by our parents from when we were young and for my love of adventure and the ocean, which has led me to board planes, trains, ferries and buses on a highly regular and sometimes random basis.  In fact, some of my friends over social media often wonder where exactly in the Philippines or in the world I am.

The Boulevard at Siargao,  December 2013.
I wish that we could lay right here and never think about our fears forever.
Never did I imagine that P would be the guy next to me when I wanted to wish for time to stand still as we watched the millions of stars that littered the sky in the darkness and hearing nothing but the sound of the open sea.  

 

I may not be your typical global wanderer but I have had my chance to experience life on that road, in the sky, on water. And as every wanderer would tell you, life on the road will open your eyes to so many beautiful things, let you experience everything almost all at one, and let you meet so many people. Most of these will pass you by without meaning.   A few others you will remember because of the breathtaking scenery or that the people you have met have these amazing personalities or you will enjoy their otherworldly stories.  And there there are those that will leave a mark on you because you will feel the magic in new places and experiences or you will connect with people on a different level.

 

I've been in love countless times while moving around, with the places I've been to and the people I have met.  I've fallen in love a number of times as well, that kind of love where we share our heart and our soul with another.  At the same time, being and falling in love has led me to a broken heart countless of times.  Heck, I probably have broken a few hearts as well.

 

Our emotions are traitors.  In the perfect moment, it will let us feel that everything is so perfect, so wonderful, so magical, so full of love.  And in just a split-second, it tears us apart especially when we have to say goodbye.  It had become so hard to see people and places come ago so much that I began to see that the easiest way to cope was to think more and feel less.  So, an enchanting place had just become another place.  And a wonderful emotion had just become... a moment worth appreciating but not felt.  Suddenly, it became easier to let go of the attachment to places, moments and most especially people.  That, somehow, made every goodbye easier.

Bantayan, June 2013.
Maybe sometime, in a long time, you'll remember what I had said here.
S was travelling to Cebu so we exchanged numbers when I met him in Zambales.  I enjoyed talking to him, sharing travel stories and our outlook on life in general.  He was one of the sweetest people I have ever met while travelling.  I do hope that someday, our love for the road and for the ocean will give us a chance to see each other again.

But then I came across One Republic's song which said said: "Hope that you fall in love and it hurts so bad.  The only way you can know is give it all you have".  It hit me hard.  I had started to perfect the art of controlling my emotions that most moments of my life, especially those on the road, had become a bit meaningless.   But what good were these experiences when we do not give everything - our mind, our heart, and our soul into them?  And so, I decided to make every moment count.  I decided to give every place, every moment, and every person that made an impact to me a special place in my heart.

In the process, I know I will hurt a lot and cry a lot, but also, I will laugh a lot, be happy a lot, love a lot, and live a lot. 
 
Maybe one day I will learn to stay put, plant myself somewhere I can imagine growing old in, and finally let my heart and soul calm and settle down.  Or maybe I never will.  Maybe, I will grow old wandering from one place to the next and fall into a repetitive cycle of falling in love, getting my heart broken, or breaking other people's hearts.  I suppose, it doesn't really matter how or where I end up in, the most important thing is that, as the song goes, I have lived. 

Sunrise over Bondi Beach, February 2014.
And when the daylight comes, I will have to go.  But tonight I'm going to hold you so close.
I never thought that I would love and hate C at the same time.  Before this sunrise, I thought that our incident the night before would ruin our friendship forever, yet somehow it made it more special.  I didn't even get to say goodbye to him and as I write this I am trying to cope with a broken heart.  But then again, maybe we were never meant to say goodbye.